Monday, October 27, 2008

Thoughts as we near referral

As I was taking a little R&R at the gym this am, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Flora has a birth mother. I know that over the last few years (during the wait) I have thought about the reality of China, abandonment, and adoption. But it was different this time.

She has a Mom. She has a Mom who will never know her. This woman has given my family the most amazing gift EVER, and she will never know. She has no idea what has happened or will happen to her daughter. I, in the next few weeks, will know everything about Flora. Without even meeting Flora, I will know more about her life than her birth mother ever will. How sad is that?

Did her Mom wiling give her up, or was it difficult? I have had both points of view. The first, in China, especially rural China, girls are not as valued as boys. So are they truly disposable? Does the birth Mom attach to her child while she is pregnant? Or does she disassociate from the pregnancy knowing that there is a 50/50 chance she will not be keeping her baby? Or is the scenario more like the paternal grandmother taking the daughter away from the birth Mom and putting her in the finding spot?

I may never know the answers to those questions. But there is a woman out there, who I want to hug and share in the joy that her daughter is about to bring to our family. I want to tell her that we will love her daughter forever. We will hold her daughter tight. We will protect her daughter. We will watch her soul grow. We will be the best parents to her that we possibly can be. I want to tell her that her daughter will have older sisters, who have been dying to have her daughter join our family. There are so many more things I want to tell her.

We love Flora already and we haven't even met her. And you, birth mom, may love her and will never know her. Wow. Thank you and I am sorry for your pain. One day I would love to tell you all these things, perhaps I will get my opportunity. Until then, thank you, I love you, too.


Doreen said...

That was beautiful. Your thoughts are what every waiting parent(s) go through. After going twice to China and having my girls home for a substantial period of time, I am still having those very profound thoughts.

Doreen in Montreal single mom to Faith-Jiangxi & Mia-Sichuan

Rebecca said...

I think those thoughts, too. Especially with MeiLin since she was with her birth mother for at least the first 6 weeks of her life.

Buckle up, my sweet friend, the roller coaster is headed up!

Bring them on!

Rebecca :)

The Joanna Mei Fan Club said...

Sniff. Sob. Choke.

I've had those thoughts, too... you put it so beautifully.

rubyiscoming said...

Lovely post - I've been having similar thoughts this week - hang in there - we are in the FINAL STRETCH!